My Last Relationship

I've lost all my faith,

but,

you are my human,

the one that every prophecy

promised.

Who was I

before this moment?

Destruct-o Girl

            I sip whiskey from a champagne glass with one eye still on the horizon. These walls have never been big enough to contain me; this country has never been big enough to contain me. I’m brave and ambitious and yet cower in fear at the sound of an airplane engine. I can see the world fall at my feet even as it crowds into my mind and makes me want to hide beneath a kitchen table. I’m sick of the dark, sick of this ache in my lower back; I’m sick of all of it and yet embrace it like my disappeared lover. No one would return to this place if there wasn’t something calling us back.

           The temptation drips down the back of my throat and I choke on it. “My love,” it says, “stay with me and watch as the tide comes in. I promise it will be worth it.” These words echo in the back of my head and I feel them in my spine. I want to make them real; make them part of me. But . . . they’re not. They’re no more a part of me than the dead cells rooted in my scalp. I shed them like an old sweater and continue walking. Even though it feels like my organs are collapsing in on themselves, I’ve no use for a second thought. These dreams have crafted me and led me here. I will follow them lovingly until my knees give out.

Dripping Hands and Scorched Feet

My love, this is the last thing I will make for you, and I promise it won’t be as bitter as the rest. We have been separated forever (hopefully), but these thoughts still pool in the back of my mind.

            You were everything to me, the whole world and the rain in California. You took my hands and filled them with energy, took my bones and filled them with promises. Part of my brain still wanders in the wilderness, looking for you. Your soothing eyes are still where I left them, but they don’t hold me anymore. I walk among clouds and through rivers and sing of the things that have gone.

            Be off, then. Go out into the world and fill it with compassion until everyone drowns. You split my palms open and left me to bleed, but my wounds have long since healed. Find your voice, your real voice, and use it to call the lost back from the dark. Paint pictures and hold mirrors until the monsters can’t bear to open their eyes anymore. Love someone else, love many people, and try not to betray them. There is a space waiting for you.

            Go fill it.